


Replacement

by QueenOfTheWesternSky



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 04:44:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/630569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfTheWesternSky/pseuds/QueenOfTheWesternSky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Feferi Peixes and no matter how hard you try, you are not Sollux's matesprit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Replacement

**> Be Sollux's matesprit**

 

Your name is Feferi Peixes and no matter how hard you try, you are not Sollux's matesprit. You want to be, you want so badly for him to pity you the way you do him, but really, you've accepted your fate. At the very best, he feels pale for you. At the worst, you're just another friend, albeit one who is allowed a glimpse into the Sollux that is capable of great kindness. But still, you're never going to be what you want.

Because regardless of how much you pity him, which is so much that your chest aches when you're near him and even more when you aren't, he will never care for you in the same way.

Trolls are not creatures that mate for life, you know that. But sometimes someone will give themselves so wholeheartedly to another, pity them so much, cherish them in a way that it is simply not possible for them to pity another in the same way.

Sometimes you think he might learn to pity you in time, but he will never pity you the way he did her. He will never be as flushed for you as he was for her.

Sometimes you really wish you could hate Aradia, hate her beyond blackrom, just pure uncoloured hate. But you can't. Aradia was always a good person. In fact you're pretty sure that if she'd been alive longer, the two of you could have been the very best of friends, perhaps even moirails. But at the time, you barely spoke to her and you already had a toxic moirailligence going. 

She was so beautiful and kind and sweet and you know that every emotion Sollux ever felt for her (Pity, adoration, sheer devotion) was only magnified by the grief he drowned in over her death. You thought that you of all people might save him from drowning himself in sorrow, but it didn't work out that way.

Sometimes you think he's who he was before, and you hate the thought as much as you like it, and sometimes you know he's never quite going to be the person he was.

 

**> Wish to be someone else**

 

You have. So many times, for so long have you craved to be someone else, to be that girl. The one who captured his flushed affections so easily, the one who he was always going to pity so strongly.

How funny, you, the highest of the high bloods, wants nothing more than to be a rust blood. All for the pity of some other troll. Sometimes you really think you're pathetic. But you can't help it. If the world were different, or even still existed, perhaps you could avoid him. You could fall into wonderfully red pity with some other troll and be content with being nothing more than a friend, perhaps a pale one, for him.

But you only have a few friends left, and you will not lose a single one of them. You will hold onto them and cherish them so much, because they are all that is left of your home world, all that there is ever going to be of Alternia, of the future you hoped to have, of the wonderful empire you were going to raise.

No, you simply cannot afford to alienate another friend. Not even if it hurts you so bad you want to claw your heart out of your chest with your own nails.

 

**> Accept your fate**

 

You have. It took a long time, a very long time, but you have. Really, what do you have if not time? You are a Tyrian blood, you will leave for sweeps and sweeps, sometimes that thought makes you sad. You'll still be alive and alone long after all your friends are dead, even Eridan, who you still can't bring yourself to mend bridges with, won't be there for you in the end.

You have accepted your fate, that this is what is to become of you. That you are not that beautiful low blood, you will never hold him in your arms as you so desperately crave to. You are not Aradia Megido.

 

**> Try and be her**

 

You will.

 

**> Be the poor replacement**

 

You have been for a long time. That's all you're ever going to be.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry, I really am. I don't know what prompted this, but there you go. It's been sitting in my folders for a while and now it's on the internet and I'm sorry.


End file.
